Saturday, December 26, 2009

Tick Tock, Tick Tock, Tick Tock...

It's about that time...Most of the people my age that I know are engaged, married, pregnant, or already raising their beautiful children. WARNING! WARNING! Confessions about to be revealed!!!

I want to have a family. I want someone to go to sleep with at night and wake up to in the morning. I feel very fortunate that I have amazing friends and the greatest family. They may not be perfect, but they are mine and they are always there for me, through thick and thin. Since my sister gave birth to her son, Tyler, I have been so in love and so devoted to making sure that he is loved. He has so much love coming from all of us in his family, he can definitely afford to share it others. That's how much we love him! I've told my sister quite a few times, that her son is the BEST gift anyone has ever given me. Yes, he's not MINE, he's just my nephew. Every moment that I spend with him is like heaven, at least, what I imagine a heaven would be like.

I look at my sister, and see the life that she has created and YES, I am jealous. I want that! I want a family of my own! I want a little nugget of my own! Only thing is...the thought of having an alien life form developing inside my body is the most terrifying thing I can ever imagine. I mean, they KICK. KICK! From the inside! THEY HAVE FINGERNAILS!!!! (thank you, Diablo Cody) Women POOP on the table as the baby is shooting out of their VAGINA. GROSS!!!!! :) I cannot imagine me getting preggo anytime soon, but it scares me to think that there is the possibility that I could live my whole entire life marriageless, and childless.

Tonight I watched The Blindside with my mother. The sweetest story and I cried all the way through. That woman just opened up her heart, her home, her family and her entire life to a complete stranger. People here barely say thank you when you hold the door open for them. They don't even use their turn signals!!! First, I know it happens a lot, but I am still shocked that a person can treat their child like they are a pair of shoes. Second, I am so amazed that someone could so generous and give a strange child a chance at love, a new life, and a family. Of course it's inspiring. Leigh Anne Tuohy is who I aspire to be. Not EXACTLY her, but someone who is so courageous, loving, strong, brave, and caring. Someone who sees the best in human kind and is not afraid to show it. Watching those characters interact as a family on screen I thought "I want that. I really want that. I want a family of my own, and I want to inspire people." Maybe not on a huge scale like that...That's a tough act to follow. Just a little, like inspiring my own family or friends.

Anywho, the point of this...I follow a lot of mommy bloggers...Not because I want to be a mom, but because they also write about non-mommy stuff, and they're pretty damn cool. Along the way, someone created this cool site called Momversations and all the mommy and daddy bloggers get together and video tape themselves to converse with each other on specific topics. The one I share with you below asks "What would you be doing now had you not become a parent? What would your life be like?" Of course, I cannot reflect on those questions because of the obvious. But it did make me think about my future. What IF I don't get the chance to make a family of my own? What if I don't get to experience what it's like to raise a child of my own? Force them to eat thin mint cookies and watch old episodes of Full House and Saved By The Bell with me? But what if I do get that chance? What WOULD my life be like then?

Life Choices: What Would You Be Doing if You Weren't a Mom?

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