Friday, April 9, 2010

Aah! I Don't Know

There are some times during my day where all I do is second-guess myself, and wonder…I wonder what I’m doing here…Why I can’t just throw myself into this life and live it to its fullest. Cliché, yes. However I truly believe that we cannot be a waste on this earth. There cannot be such a thing. I want to know WHY I am here. Am I just filler? Am I just here to help people pass the time away? Am I here to be the scapegoat for people? It definitely feels like all of those are true. It’s hard to believe that I am here for more than anything else. I do things in hopes that people will notice me…Not to be photographed, not to be famous…But for my ‘friends’ and my family. Even possible suitors. Am I not doing enough? I feel so invisible lately. I’m not writing this have people feel sorry for me. There is no pity here. It’s just life. I’m not the only person who feels this way. Shit, I really hope I’m not!

I just want to know why I feel the way I do. I don’t think that enough therapy or medication could ever help me understand this. No matter how hard I try, I still get back to this point. What am I here for? What I am doing? Where am I going?

I haven’t written in here in a long time, and I feel terrible. Not that anyone really reads this, but just the action of posting makes me feel better. Maybe someone, somewhere might read what I write or post? I don’t know. Blah.

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